Something very bad that I wrote

With apologies to Messrs Jennings and Nelson.

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to drive Rangies
Don't let 'em drive Discos or old Series trucks
Let 'em buy Wranglers, Land Cruisers and such
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to drive Landies
'Cause they'll never stay home and they're always in debt
Especially to someone they love

Landies ain't easy to love and they're harder to fix
But there's nothing better to drive when you're out in the sticks
Tape up the axles and it's back on the trail
Work all night just to drive the next day
If you don't maintain 'em, an' they don't die young
They'll prob'ly just rust away

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to drive Rangies
Veto Defenders and old Lightweight trucks
Let 'em buy Sidekicks, Monteros and such
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to drive Landies
'Cause they'll never stay home and they're always in debt
Especially to someone they love

Rovers like smokey old garages and clear mountain mornings
Little top-ups of red stuff and green stuff and oil every night
Them that don't know 'em won't like 'em and them that do...
Sometimes just won't know how to pay for 'em
They ain't wrong, they're just different and their gaskets don't seal 'em
Don't you think, for a day, they're all right

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to drive Rangies
Forget 101s, or they'll spend all your cash
Let 'em buy Hummers and other such trash
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to drive Landies
'Cause they'll never stay home and they're always in debt
Especially to someone they love

SPAM

SPAM should come in a can, not an e-mail. And I say that as a vegetarian. Absolutely do not SPAM this blog. I absolutely will delete your comments, and I absolutely will not "check out" your pyramid scheme, counterfeit erectile dysfunction pills or whatever other webscam you're running. (If it's Rover bits you're peddling, obviously, different story.)

Magazines

One of my favorite things is to receive an American magazine and a British one in the same day's post. I like to hold one magazine in each hand, shake them vigorously and watch to see how much crap falls out of the American one. Only then do I go through and remove the remaining 1000 reply cards which are bound in.

Sun-Tzu

Most people know of The Art of War, even if they have never heard of the author himself. His aphorisms on the subject of off-roading, though not so widely recognized, are no less insightful. To wit, with emphasis added (and apologies to Sun-Tzu):

You must quickly get away from deadly configurations of terrain such as precipitous gorges with mountain torrents. Do not approach them in the wrong kind of truck.

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Even if you know the configuration of the land, if your suspension is inflexible, you will not only fail to take advantage of the ground but may even be harmed by it. It is important for drivers to adapt in appropriate ways.

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Mountains and forests, passes and natural hazards, wetlands and swamps, and any such roads difficult to traverse constitute difficult terrain; press ahead on difficult terrain.

A point of clarification

A Rover Spot is evidence that a Land Rover has previously occupied a piece of ground. If you own a Rover, you know this already.

Central Parking may be trying to tell me something.

Why?

There are many, many things which are funny mostly to me. I decided to put them here so you, whoever you might be, could (a) laugh bitterly or (b) wonder what in Solihull is wrong with me.